I find such awe in noticing exactly where I am.
Yes, physically, but also mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I know that in that noticing I can feel myself stretch and become with no destination in mind. The noticing is the point.
What does it mean to be present exactly where you are?
I entered 5783 in a burst of energy and opportunity. The Shmita year kept asking me to wait, slow down, and be patient. I met the new year with a clear, "I am ready."
In the month leading up to the new year, I interviewed for a full-time job, explored a few contract projects, and got COVID for the first time. Shemini Atzeret - the final day of Sukkot - technically closed the Shmita year and all of the opportunities I explored became real the following day.
I moved from imagining to trying.
I don't think we can fully make sense of things until after they happen. We can attune and adjust to a moment, but the story we tell ourselves or the meaning of an experience takes time to emerge. I am very fully in the process of showing up and doing - acting on some hunches of what meaningful work means to me and staying open to how laboring in different ways feels.
I keep turning to the image of an auto mixer. I have a lot of inputs - a full-time job, a couple of projects - and all the dials are turned up slightly too high. I know, though, that the music coming through the speakers all sounds good enough that I want to keep listening. But, the balance is off. I know in time, I will turn up and down the knobs so that the mix creates a seamless tune. Pan to an evening with lights turned soft, delicious food spread wide, and sweet friends in conversation.
It feels so clear that I am in process. I am becoming.
As someone who historically finds value in achieving and being able to balance many hard projects at once, it can be challenging to not clearly know what I “do.” I don't know if it’s realistic to say we only do one thing the same way forever - or know what that would even be for me. And I honestly think doing the same thing over and over again forever sounds pretty boring to me.
What I have found is that noticing what is around me right now, today, is not only a source of grounding but also a connection to the divine. When I feel the messy, in process way that I hold multiple things at once, I imagine that as source, as holiness, as creation. I imagine that many things are always happening at once for most beings, which brings me immense comfort. We are each part of the ever-making universe.
I woke up this morning to heavy, drifting, blanketing snow. A white, hazy blanket cast over the sky, through the air, and on the ground. It is so beautiful and the first time the snow is sticking to the ground. I am reminded that water can take many forms and that this cold layer allows the soil and plants to rest.
There are many responses to the first hearty snow. Mine is one of gratitude, of simply being with. It could melt tomorrow, it could stay for a long time. Frankly, I have no control over either outcome and neither is better. It just is.
I notice that when I feel exactly what is that I want to do it more often. I wonder if dropping into the interconnected energy that we are all part of entices us into the present. This posture softens me to others, the natural world, and myself. I soften to the snow and the slight shift in season.
It feels so clear that I am in process. I am becoming.
A practice: go for a walk
Go for a walk near the place where you live. Do so in quiet.
As you walk, take deep inhales of the air near you.
Notice if any plants are growing or decaying around you.
Notice if any animals cross your path.
If you pass another person, greet them in a way that feels comfortable to you - this could be eye contact with a nod or saying "hello."
Do this for at least 10 minutes.
When you complete the loop and arrived home, sit for a few minutes and observe how you feel. Offer a moment of thanks, take a deep breath, and continue to the next part of your day.